What if it were possible for a good marriage to grow stronger, or an average marriage to discover extraordinary excitement, long before hitting a rough patch? Most couples wait until they face a crisis to seek help, but taking a proactive approach can completely transform your relationship.
Victor and Becky Novak know this firsthand. Having both experienced the pain of failed first marriages, they entered their union determined to do things differently. Through faith, intentional communication, and courses from the Marriage Dynamics Institute, they built a resilient foundation.
If you want to strengthen your marriage, their story offers powerful insights into overcoming past hurts, breaking the stigma around relationship help, and unlocking the profound intimacy of praying together.
Here are the key takeaways from their incredible journey to help you build a stronger, more connected relationship.
Breaking the Stigma of Marriage Maintenance
When Becky first suggested taking a marriage class just nine months after their wedding, Victor had a common reaction: "Are we in trouble?"
There is a widespread stigma that signing up for a marriage workshop or seeking counseling means your relationship is failing. Victor quickly learned to see it differently.
"I try to explain to people that your marriage is just like your car," Victor says. "You need a tune-up. You need maintenance every now and then to keep it on an even keel and to keep it going in a positive direction."
Taking a proactive approach instead of a reactive one makes all the difference. Becky compares it to preventative medicine. Taking vitamins before you get sick is much more effective than trying to cure an illness after it takes hold. By investing in your marriage while things are going well, you build the tools needed to weather future storms.
Overcoming Past Hurts and Finding Grace
Both Becky and Victor carried emotional scars from their pasts. Becky survived severe childhood trauma and spent eight years in counseling during her first marriage trying to save it, ultimately feeling unheard and burdened with misplaced blame.
When she and Victor took the United Marriage course, she experienced a profound shift. The environment felt completely safe, free from judgment and the fear of retaliation.
"In this class, if anything comes to light, it's that God is there," Becky shares. "He loves me with an everlasting love, and he has forgiven me 100 percent."
This safe environment allowed them to drop their guards. For couples looking to strengthen their marriage, creating a space where both partners feel safe to share their deepest fears without judgment is essential. You do not have to be perfect; you just have to be willing to grow together.
The Transformative Power of Praying Together
If there is one single practice that changed the trajectory of the Novaks' relationship, it is praying together.
Initially, the idea intimidated both of them. In her first marriage, Becky viewed prayer as a private matter, fearing judgment from her spouse. Victor felt inadequate because he did not think he possessed the eloquent words of a seasoned speaker.
"I used that excuse that Becky is the daughter of a Baptist minister and that when she prayed, it always seemed to just flow," Victor admits. "But I learned that that's okay. God doesn't care. He just wants to communicate with you."
Inviting the Holy Spirit into their daily routine knocked the socks off their marriage. They made it a habit to pray together every evening before going to sleep. This quiet time brings a profound closeness after a busy day apart.
"Without that intimacy of praying together, a marriage is kind of like two different wheels trying to go two different directions," Becky notes. "As long as you pray together, you can disagree, but yet you come back together."
A Near-Death Miracle
The true test of their faith came in 2015 when Victor suffered a life-threatening medical emergency. He developed ischemic bowel disease, resulting in blood clots that blocked blood flow to his intestines. Doctors placed him in a coma for two weeks and told Becky he would not survive another surgery.
Desperate, Becky reached out to a friend who advised her to lay her hands on Victor and pray for the Holy Spirit to induce healing. Despite feeling at her wit's end, she did exactly that.
The very next day, the surgeon removed Victor's bandages to find all the swelling completely gone. The sutures held, and Victor survived against all medical odds.
"I yelled, 'That's God!'" Becky recalls. Victor adds, "I'm nobody special. All I could come back to was that God's got a purpose for me... I'm going to step forward and say saving marriages is what he needs me for."
Becoming Facilitators to Help Others
Surviving such intense trials gave Victor and Becky a renewed sense of purpose. Today, they serve as facilitators for Marriage Dynamics Institute courses, passionate about being the hands and feet of Jesus for other couples.
Even though they initially doubted their qualifications due to their past divorces, they realized God uses broken pasts to create beautiful futures. They now guide other couples through the same exercises that saved their own relationship.
They also recognize the generational impact of a strong marriage. Writing the names of their children and grandchildren down during a facilitator training session served as a visceral reminder of what is at stake. They pray for their 10 grandchildren by name, asking God to protect their future marriages.
Actionable Steps to Strengthen Your Marriage
You do not need to wait for a crisis to start improving your relationship. If you want to build a marriage that lasts, consider taking these steps today:
- Start praying together: Even if it feels awkward at first, take a few minutes before bed to pray with your spouse. Keep it simple and focus on gratitude and connection.
- Shift your mindset: Stop viewing marriage classes or counseling as a sign of failure. Treat them as regular maintenance to keep your relationship running smoothly.
- Create a safe space: Practice listening to your partner without judging or formulating a response. Let them share their heart without fear of retaliation.
- Sign up for a class: Look into resources like the United Marriage course through the Marriage Dynamics Institute to learn practical, proven tools for relationship growth.
A strong marriage requires intentional effort, but the rewards are immeasurable. When you weave faith, open communication, and proactive growth into the center of your relationship, you create a bond that cannot be easily broken. Take that first step today, and watch how it transforms your life.
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