Couple talking - know your spouse

How Well Do You Know Your Spouse?

MattCommunication, Marriage Health

Whatever else you may know, be sure you know your spouse….

While more people than ever are earning bachelor’s degrees, the U.S Census Bureau reports only about two percent of the American population holds an earned doctorate. That’s a pretty small number of people who are either dedicated or crazy enough to jump through all of the hoops required and stay the course to become experts in their fields.
Getting a doctorate in an academic field is one thing, but how well do you know your spouse? They might not award an official degree for matrimony, but if all goes well, you’ll have many more years up-close-and-personal with the curriculum.

So, will you make the most of that time and become an expert in your spouse? Let us give you four ways to do that with the following rubric.

A what?

A rubric. Taken from the Latin word for “red” in the middle ages, the rubric was the official rule and was used to govern liturgical services. In other words, the rubric was the guide—the instructions for getting things done in the right way.  In modern times, a rubric helps students focus on what they need to learn. Basically, it lays out the criteria for acceptable performance.

The Rubric

With this in mind, check out the table below to see how you well you know your spouse in four areas. We’ve listed the criteria and defined poor, average, and exceptional performance for each area.

Criteria Poor Average Exceptional
What excites your spouse? Your list doesn’t exceed television shows and music. You know things that motivate your spouse, but see them as “their thing” and are in no way involved. You understand what gets them going and do what you can to facilitate engagement with these types of things.
What makes your spouse afraid? You are the king of tsunami eye roll when your spouse brings up something about which they’re afraid. You understand the things that make your spouse apprehensive. However, you send the message that they’re just things with which they’ll have to learn to cope. You not only are aware of your spouse’s fears, but you take active steps to help alleviate them, reassuring your spouse you’ll help protect them.
How does your spouse like to be served? Although you love your spouse, your actions and words show you are more concerned about getting your needs met. You understand the way your spouse likes to be served and do it because it’s the right thing. You regularly go out of your way to speak the Love Language of your spouse. Finding ways to please them is one of your highest joys.
How does your spouse want to matter in the world? You don’t know the answer to this question and are afraid of anything you feel might compete with the attention you get. You are “okay” with the pursuit of their highest ambitions, so you “let” them go on that journey. Your support and sacrifice helps make their dreams possible.
Make Your Own Rubric

How well do you know your spouse, based on the chart above?  Could you get a PhD in your spouse?

You need to be the expert.

If you think there are better criteria to judge, then by all means, take a shot.  We’d love to see what you decide. Send your rubric to and we’ll send you a free book.

Happy studying!

For more relationship tips, click HERE to download our free guide, 
7 Foolproof Ways to Build an Exceptional Love.

More reading:
How to Grow Closer Together Spiritually
9 Ways to Improve Your Marriage and Prevent Separation or Divorce
How to Achieve Better Sex in Marriage


About the Author


Matt Brock has been married to Holly since 1999. When he's not involved in helping nonprofits tell their story he likes writing and traveling. He likes exercise less but needs to do it more.