This Collusion Has Got to Stop

This Collusion Has Got to Stop

Marriage Dynamics InstituteUncategorized




  1. secret or illegal cooperation or conspiracy, especially in order to cheat or deceive others.

Collusion has almost been the exclusive topic of conversation by the news media in recent weeks. Of course, we’ve been discussing it in the realm of politics and election campaigns. The banter has been endless, with as many opinions as there are commentators.

While it’s anyone’s best guess as to what’s really going on, there is a type of collusion out there that deserves much more exposure, though, and it never really gets any press at all. It affects sixty-four percent of men monthly, and it doesn’t matter whether or not you identify as a Christian, the percentage is just about the same across the board.


That’s the Enemy that seems to be incredibly successful at deceiving people, especially men. It makes behind-closed-doors deals with people every day, all for the express purpose of deceiving and cheating others.

According to the CNS News report, while 30 percent of women view pornography at least a few times per year, a little more than 30 percent of men between the ages of 18-30 admit they are addicted, or think they might be addicted to, pornography.

This is collusion at its worst. While those addicted to it would likely not state their intent was to cheat or deceive others, that’s exactly what’s happening in this secret cooperation between the Enemy of marriages and the millions of men and women who buy into the pornography lie. Whether or not it was the initial purpose, the result is that they are cheating their present or even their future spouse.

How is it cheating? When you get married, you commit all of your emotional, spiritual, and physical energies to only one person – that individual you walk down the aisle with on your wedding day. When you look at other people with lustful intent, you are diverting your energy and attention to something that’s not even real.

The Gospel Coalition put out an article entitled 9 Things You Should Know About Pornography and the Brain. In short, when you look at pornography you are teaching your brain to prefer that to your spouse. Jesus taught that looking at someone lustfully was just as bad as committing adultery.


When someone is found to be in collusion with another to deceive a person or group of people, what happens to trust?  That’s right – it hits rock bottom.

If you’re already caught in a web of collusion with pornography it’s likely you’ll have to deal with the implications. But, don’t wait until you get caught. The best thing you can do is come clean and admit it’s something you’re struggling with.

Will it be difficult? Of course. It’s impossible to say how your spouse will react. It may be that you have to spend a whole lot of time and energy working to rebuild the trust you’re already taking advantage of. It may be that your spouse will choose to take some time away from the relationship because of the damage that’s been done.

While it’s impossible to predict the outcome of coming clean with the collusion you’ve been involved in, it’s absolutely the right thing to do. You need the help and accountability that comes with getting it out in the open.

If you’re not ready to talk with your spouse, talk to your pastor. Talk to a counselor. Talk to your best friend.

Just tell someone you trust will get you pointed in the right direction. It’s time for the collusion to stop.

If you want to find true sexual intimacy with your spouse, start with our free guide:
7 Steps to Better Sex in Your Marriage

It’s completely free and will connect you with other resources and opportunities to help you find the best marriage possible with your spouse.

About the Author

Marriage Dynamics Institute

Marriage Dynamics Institute (MDI) wants to cultivate healthy families, churches, and communities by helping create marriages full of joy, meaning, and purpose. Having served more than 75,000 couples since 1994, MDI offers workshops and seminars for marriages at every stage, including those in crisis.