Couple talking - know your spouse

Communication: You Can’t Have a Great Marriage Without It

Marriage Dynamics InstituteCommunication, Connection, Intimacy, Marriage Health

You can stay married – maybe even for a long time.

You can raise happy, healthy children.

And your life may appear successful. Others may see you and want what you have.

But you know the truth.

At home when all the kids are in bed—or grown and gone—and it’s just you and your spouse… are you lonely?

Many couples experience loneliness in marriage. But it probably didn’t start out that way. Couples generally spend a lot of time together when they are young and in love. They talk about everything. And nothing. They communicate with little touches and long kisses. And when one speaks, the other hangs on every word.

But over time, people get busy. Or bored. Or just tired. The everyday grind of life wears us down.

And somewhere along the way, if we are not careful, real conversation just evaporates. We conduct business together. Talk about schedules and kids and errands and bills and getting the oil changed or the roof fixed.

But too often, we  stop talking about who we are and what we want from life. We stop sharing our hearts with each other.

Maybe you have found yourself looking at your spouse and wondering what they were thinking. But you didn’t ask. Perhaps you were afraid to find out.

So what happens in a marriage when husbands and wives no longer communicate?

They lose connection. Little annoyances fuel growing resentments. Sex may be less frequent or more mechanical. At home, the atmosphere can seem a little too heavy way too often. As a result, husbands and wives may spend more and more time apart, pursuing their own friends, activities and goals.

Sure it’s normal for spouses to enjoy different  hobbies, and to spend time with different friends. Husbands and wives are individuals, after all. But when a marriage is missing meaningful communication, too much time apart can result in less and less connection.

Does any of this sound familiar?

It doesn’t have to be this way. Husbands and wives can learn to communicate again. And they can reconnect at a deep level. In most situations, this is not difficult to fix.  It just takes time and intention.

If things seem too quiet at your house when you and your spouse are alone, ask yourself: When was the last time you and your spouse had a really good conversation? How long has it been since you really listened to one another?

When you are intentional about communicating, you discover deeper connection. And you have the opportunity to grow a really great, deeply satisfying marriage.

Marriage Dynamics offers courses that teach healthy communication habits and help couples deepen their connection to one another.

If unhealthy communication is threatening to destroy your marriage, the A New Beginning workshop offers a unique opportunity to turn things around and learn how to repair and rebuild your marriage.

About the Author

Marriage Dynamics Institute

Marriage Dynamics Institute (MDI) wants to cultivate healthy families, churches, and communities by helping create marriages full of joy, meaning, and purpose. Having served more than 75,000 couples since 1994, MDI offers workshops and seminars for marriages at every stage, including those in crisis.